The Generational Hangover: When you have to face the facts that what you are doing or struggling with is “in the family”.
The Hangover – When you have the feelings of genetic doom.
What does it mean to be a mom. It means that you created, birthed, and maintain the life of a human being. All of which are not easy tasks! The keeping alive part is hard somedays lol! (totally being dramatic). In all seriousness, mothers have the hardest part of the parental unit. I have talked a lot about how much I struggle with being a mother sometimes and how I wish things were just easier for me on the mental wellness side.
Growing up I noticed that there were people in my family that really struggled, to the point that their mood was always unpredictable. This was very hard for me as a child to understand, since I was just looking for attention and love. I do not blame the people in my family for their mental struggles, for they did/do not know how to cope properly. Furthermore, mental health wasn’t talked about as much as it is now. People see therapist and psychiatrist for all different reasons these days. Which is great! In saying that, it is important for me to be clear where I am going with this topic. I do not blame a person for their mental health struggles, as I do not blame someone for having cancer. I do on the other hand think that it is their responsibility to take ownership of it, to make sure that they don’t pass down the bad habits or unhealthy reactions to their children.
I firmly believe that generations after us reap what we sow. Nature vs Nurture. The nature of my grandchildren having mental illness is likely but the nurture is what I am trying to change. If I do the work now, if I change the way I think and react to things, then I will be able to affect the generations after me. Maybe they won’t have to struggle with the illness at all if they are raised in a healthier, self aware environment. We consciously and unconsciously pick up on people’s mannerisms and coping skills (or lack there of) as children we are sponges, we notice it all. We learn from lessons being taught to us as well as the lessons unmeant to be learned. The times that I am anxious, overwhelmed, irritated, hangry, disappointed, pissed or depressed, everyone picks up on how you handle it. They will unconsciously pick up on that. One day my children will be going about their day acting in the way I did during their up bringing. I hope in a good way but sometimes in a way that makes them say “ughh my mom always did that” I drive to lessen the use of that statement.
Stop saying things like “Well, I turned out just fine” “I went through worse” “It is what it is” Why would you want your children to go through the struggles you did?
I am not blaming or saying that it is my parents fault that I have these struggles. I am saying that it is my responsibility to change the cycle! I want to be a beacon of light to my children by showing them that if they put in the work, things can get better. If we take the time to talk and acknowledge things that are going on in our lives then we can redirect them if need be. No one is meant to struggle everyday of their life. We are made to feel every emotion in life. My job as a mother is to show my children to look to God, to pray, to trust in him. As well as, to provided healthy ways to feel emotions in a guilt-free, controlled way no matter the gender of the child. Because guess what, If I am not the one teaching my children how to deal with their struggles and emotions THE WORLD WILL (ie: drugs, hate, alcohol & lust).
So, It’s your job, MOM and/or DAD to redirect the curse. It’s your job to relate and help your children cope. It’s a privilege to mold and teach them the best way to live life. It is the biggest blessing and yet we choose to see it sometimes as the biggest pain. A lot of times because we don’t have the skills to deal with the stress and exhaustion. So it is time to put in the work so the generations after us can live a little better. Its time to not feel the hangover of “Its in the Family”
HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!!
With all my love,
Meagan Hur
Mommy’s Mental Hangover 
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