Sabotage Hangover

The Hangover: When you go from Success to Fraud to Failure. Acknowledging that you gave up because you let your emotions,(stress, anxiety, doubts, anger, pride) in that moment, drive you to quit something that you were working towards.

Some days I wake up motivated and ready to own the day, I am ready to make myself proud. Those days are great, especially when I already know how I am going to check them off! Checking things off on a list is soooo satisfying and rewarding to me. On the flip side, there are days that I wake up already projecting to fail. The list is endless and even if I mark one item off, there is just another one I have to accomplish. Then there are days like today, when I feel like I am a fraud. Where I feel like I am not doing enough to succeed. I think things like I’m not a good mom, role model, friend, wife, Christian, etc. I am trying to work towards my goals and dreams but the reward is not outwaying the work. Take for instance this blog. I originally started it because I wanted to be able to publish my thoughts and because I love to write. With the first few posts the reward came from just getting my writing out there. Then all of sudden nothing was good enough. In my head it was a successful blog. Like WOW, I didn’t expect the amount of views I have but now I have in my head that since I don’t have what bloggers would consider a “good” following I am a fraud. I feel like I am just pretending to be someone that is impactful, meaningful, or legitimate. That my knowledge and experiences are not enough to make a difference. My thoughts of feeling like a fraud have lead me to feel like a failure. This all leads to having to deal with the sabotage hangover. Where I throw it all away and put it aside because I let my defeated feelings lead my decision instead of rallying.

When I start to feel like a fraud I get angry-anxiety which turns into depression, then I tend to sabotage my path. I give up, I don’t finish. My thinking turns into “what’s the point, I’m just embarrassing myself,” “who am I kidding, nobody thinks I’m good enough for this.” I was talking to my friend Paige (author of The Roots In a Woman) about her recent insta story on being a finisher and I realized that it’s not just me who doesn’t finish because of self sabotage. She made an excellent point that really hit me hard, she said “God gives outlines, the devil is in the details.” I get all geared up and excited when I know I am fulfilling Gods plan but then I get so tripped up on the small details. I let the devil in the back door making me think that I’m a fraud. The small mistakes and insecurities make me feel like a fraud and cause me to fail.

I have learned over time and with lots of therapy how to RALLY! When I see myself start to self sabotage I take these steps ⬇️

1. Big Deep Breaths – this allows me to stop the cycle of anger-anxiety and breathe. It’s like a timeout from thinking. It helps me get to a place where I am able to take the next steps. Redirects my thinking.

2. I write down how I am feeling either in my blog, journal or text someone I trust. This makes me evaluate what I am thinking. Once again pausing the track down the deep hole. By reading what I am thinking not only can I see how unrealistic my thinking is but it sometimes provides me confidence to get back on track.

3. Drink Calm or take my anxiety medicine.

4. Most importantly I pray! I pray for God to deliver me from the fraudulent thinking and help me gain momentum in a better way.

I have listed other coping skills in the Helpful and Insightful tab ⬆️above, but these four help me when I start to go from fraud to failure.