Social Interaction Hangover

The Hangover: When you have regretful thoughts of things you said or did during a social gathering or interaction.

Im sure we can all think of a conversation we had with someone that makes us cringe. Like what in the world was I thinking saying those things. From elaborating, creating false narratives or being too forthcoming, the social hangover can come in many forms. For me I have social anxiety before an event and even more after.

Before a social gathering I typically pep talk myself that everything is going to be ok. People will like me, I will be accepted by my peers, I am good enough, pretty enough, successful enough to be part of the crowd. I also remind myself of things I don’t want to do in-front of others, such as tell personal information, gossip about things that I swore I wouldn’t tell, or make a decision I wouldn’t normally make because I get anxiety of disappointing others. I have acknowledged that I am a strong personality. I share my opinions and thoughts with people easily and sometimes that can come across as aggressive, instead of assertive or informative. So for me when I am in the social situation I try and be my authentic self but then later regret everything I said or did. Like I was too much for people to handle.

When I get home from said social event I literally have to dissect everything I said to everyone. I have to go over with my husband, friend, or myself what I said to who and how they perceived it. I literally HATE THIS! It is soo draining and frustrating that I have to relive the events and conversation from the night. Even if the night went great and I had a ton of fun, there is always something I can find that I said or did that was concerning. I even take it a step future and can change the emotion/direction of the previous conversations. I can find something I might have said wrong or could have been proceived wrong and turn it into something I feel I need to apologize for. It’s truly madness. I have even gone so far as to text the people I have talked to and ask if they were offended by anything I said or are upset with me. Like I said I never intend on hurting someones feelings, I can just come across very strong sometimes.

I have found ways to combat this but def still struggle with it. I have learned that I need to give myself some grace. NOBODY is prefect. If I did say something wrong then I can correct myself and it will be ok. If someone is offended by something I said, then first of all it is their responsibility to let me know so we can clear the air and I can apologize/ reword the direction in which I was going. Yes, I am more than capable of reading someones responses but if they are upset after the convo I need them to tell me. I can’t keep creating narratives that didn’t happened. I have to check my thoughts on the reality scale. I have to continually tell myself I am not a mind reader and sometimes I over analyze others emotions. I have grown to realize some people won’t like me, some people won’t give me the time or day to make things right. Those people aren’t meant to be in my life. I know I am a loving, giving, nice person and I can’t let my mind tell me otherwise!

If you struggle with this, remind yourself:

Being yourself is never wrong!

Not everyone is going to click with you

Be aware but not consumed with others feelings

Give yourself grace if the convo or night went wrong.

Leave good alone! Don’t dissect something that doesn’t need to be opened up. Great, good, almost prefect does exists.

You deserve to feel validated and loved. Don’t change the feeling because of our own narrative