Forgiveness – A Testimony

Well a lot has happened in the past month that I cannot explain the magnitude in writing. I was able to heal a relationship that I thought would always be strained. What is interesting is that over the past 6 months my heart has changed tremendously in the realm of healing and forgiving. Relationships that have been strained or have been nonexistence because of misunderstanding’s or differences, have been healed. The weight that has been lifted from my heart is huge. You know when people say that once you forgive someone or ask for forgiveness that it takes the burden away, well it does!! When I fully forgave and let go my heart has been opened up to so much more. Instead of seeing the negative or the past when I see people, I see the love and good intentions of the person. I would say that I can be pessimistic at times and think that people will never change. Well, did God prove me wrong or what! We do and say things all the time we regret and instead of just holding them close to our hearts instead of letting it stew. If we can just forgive and love the person for who they are, then we are able to move on and heal.

            A few weeks ago, I was in church and Pastor Craig, at LifeChurch, was talking about why sometimes God doesn’t answer your prayers when you want him to. He said one reason could possibly be, is because you still are holding on to bad relationships because either you haven’t forgiven the person and/or you haven’t asked for forgiveness. When I heard this message, immediately God told me it was time to ask my step-mom for forgiveness. Our relationship has been rocky from the start. She came into my life when I was 8 years old and I did not make it easier on her. Yes, I was a child, but I did not allow for her to be the step-mother she wanted to be. I was always easily offended and lashed out at anything she said or did. Of course, there were things we both could have done better but moral of the story our relationship didn’t get to develop because of many different situations. Well until this day, I would say “It would take a miracle to bring us back together,” well did God hear that! When I heard the message from Pastor Craig, I knew I was going to go that day and ask her for forgiveness. I was ready to throw down my sword and start over again. I was a little anxious to go and honestly didn’t know how I would be received. Once we were done with church, I grabbed my favorite bottle of wine that Bret just bought me the night before and out the door I went. Nothing was stopping me from what God told me to do. What’s crazy is that I did have some anxiety about the following steps but honestly, I had more of an overwhelming peace about it, like God had healed the relationship before I even got there.

            The beauty of what followed between her and I, I will never be able to explain to anyone. When I was able to ask for her forgiveness, the 20 plus year “wall of pain” felt like it came tumbling down and I wanted nothing more than to just love her. We ended up talking for 4 plus hours. Catching up like we were old friends. Not once during the convo did, I feel like I was annoying her, or that she wasn’t enjoying spending time with me. I still find myself getting so excited to get to know who she truly is, not the woman I villainized in my head. Yes, there are things that went wrong, and should have never happened. But we are made of flesh, we are all sinners, and all fall short of the glory of God. So, nothing that has happened between us is unforgiveable. 

            Like I said, I never thought in a million years that this relationship would be healed. I definitely thought we would always be at different ends, walking on eggs shells around each other. Now I want nothing more than to get to spend precious time with her and get to see her be an amazing grandmother to my children. The beauty of the second chance with my children is a dream come true.

            I have learned so much more from the mending these relationships than anything else in my life. If I stop looking at people through what I think their faults are, because they are different, and started seeing them with grace and love, life can be so much more beautiful. Another thing, when people disappoint me or have another opinion, I don’t jump to they are trying to talk down or feel like they are ignoring my opinion. Instead I agree with them on their own personal way of thinking and love them for who they are. We are all different for a reason and instead of carrying this weight of judgement, I choose today and everyday forward to choose love and grace first!